


Balance

by Serendipity99



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hanako is a bitch, Heavy Angst, I Tried, Iwaizumi is an asshole, M/M, Oikawa doesn't deserve this, One-Sided Attraction, Sad Ending, Suicide, What am I doing, and maybe failed, don't judge tho, she doesn't deserve it though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 05:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20059153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serendipity99/pseuds/Serendipity99
Summary: There are many kinds of dying.Shooting, Stabbing, Drowning, Starving, Exhaustion.But the far most painful death is to die because of a broken heart.





	Balance

**Author's Note:**

> Don't expect any great things from this, I tried to make something, that would make me cry too, but it doesn't, so I consider this a failure on my part. But maybe I have a high tolerance and you don't, so...

Jump.

Just jump off that bridge.

Drown in the cold water floating under him.

You deserve that, he told himself. You deserve that kind of pain, that fate. The feeling of fear, when guilt wraps around your heart and shatters your mind.

The ice-cold water around him, killing him slowly from the inside out. How was he supposed to live, when everybody clearly was annoyed with him being around?

He laughed at himself. He was selfish. And worthless. And pathetic. He wanted himself to be gone, erased from the world. He wanted peace for his friends.

But wait. Were they his friends? He always thought that they were, but when he really thought about it, he wasn't sure anymore. He didn't have that many friends. Teammates, yes, fellow classmates, yes and his fan club. But they weren't his friends. They haven't seen him really, haven't seen his ugly sides. They only saw his flawless smile, his politeness, his fake kindness. He wanted to scream, wanted them to shut up, but he couldn't. He smiled instead and let Iwa-chan hit his head. He deserved it. He lied after all.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

They were his friends. He liked them, enjoyed their company, their witty remarks and he valued their volleyball skills. But what about them? What was there possibly to like about him? Even when he looked like that, Oikawa wasn't a team player. He used the strengths of others to get the best results. But he wasn't a team player. He was selfish. He wanted and wanted and wanted. But what could he return? He couldn't think of anything.

His team gave its best.

They received, they spiked, they connected. And they trusted him to lead them, to set, to give them the best balls. He was the captain.

"We trust you, Oikawa." They said. They were completely serious and Oikawa betrayed that trust.

"What an idiot. I don't know, why we're going out with him. We need a new captain. Iwaizumi! Can't you just be the new cap?!" Hanamaki and Matsukawa always said. Oikawa couldn't tell if they were serious or not.

Iwaizumi was his best friend. Was. He was until he got himself a pretty little girlfriend. Oikawa never felt more anxious, more fragile, sadder and more lonely.

"Don't you dare ruin this, Oikawa." He told him. Iwaizumi was serious about this relationship. He really wanted to date that girl. Oikawa could live with his unrequited love, he was happy as long Iwaizumi just stood by his side. But he didn't.

"I'm sorry, I can't come over tonight, Hanako and I are going to the cinema."

"I can't walk with you home anymore, Hanako and I are eating at her place. Can you believe that? Hanako's mum loves me."

"We can't do our learn sessions anymore. I'm going to tutor Hanako."

"We can't."

"We can't."

We can't. Oikawa was just waiting for the last sentence. For the last blow.

"We can't be friends anymore."

He was scared. Afraid to lose everything he cared about. He clung desperately to the last thing left to him. He was not ready to be let loose. He wanted to remain a captain, wanted to win, wanted to laugh with his friends, wanted Iwaizumi. He wanted and wanted. But that's not how the world works. It's a give and take, his father explained. For everything you take, you also have to give something back. It's a simple rule, something to stick to, but Oikawa was not sure what he could give back. His team trusted him and they lost. His parents were worried and wanted to send him to a university, but he wasn't even sure, what to do with his future. His friends were always there for him, but he abandoned them. Iwaizumi wanted his support for his relationship, but now they were drifting apart.

Oikawa had nothing to give. He only took. He looked down at the water. It was dark and slow. Oikawa could feel the cold on his skin. He was going to end this. This was for the best. All he could think of were the faces of his family and friends.

"I'm sorry." he thought. "This won't take long. And then we are all free."

__^°^__

"Where is he?!" she shouted. Iwaizumi flinched at the sudden change of volume.

He wasn't used to seeing his aunt upset. She had a bright personality, she was a strong woman. He admired her for that. But the strong woman was gone now. She was weak and fragile. She called everyone she could think of. Classmates, teachers, friends, family. But their answers were the same.

"We haven't seen him."

After the last phone call, she collapsed. She was shaking all over. Her husband tried hard to calm her but failed.

"Where is he? He has never been away that long," she whispered and looked uneasily back and forth. Iwaizumi stood helplessly beside it. He did not know how to express what he wanted to say.

"Auntie? I ... I think that's my fault, I'm sorry." She looked up at the young man, her eyes were red and swollen.

"How do you mean?" Her voice failed and it sounded more like a croak. Iwaizumi wanted to explain everything to her, but he was interrupted by the telephone ringing. Oikawa's mother jumped up and picked up the phone.

"This is Oikawa," she said, listening intently to the voice on the other end. Iwaizumi and her husband watched her worriedly as her expression dropped and she slowly slid down the wall.

"I am sorry to inform you that we found your dead son on the riverbank. He left a note."


End file.
